Self-love is all the rage and a nice thought – in theory. In practice, however, many people struggle to really feel it. Instead, nagging self-doubts are on the program, which undermine self-confidence and lead to great uncertainty in many life situations.
Self-love is very important here. It not only has a positive effect on our well-being, but also helps us to show a better charisma, which helps us in our job, love life and many other areas.
But don’t worry: if you lack self-love in your life, the following tips can help you discover it for yourself.
Become your own friend
The way we talk to and about ourselves has a major impact on our self-esteem. We grew up listening to proverbs like “self-praise stinks,” and that pattern persists in many of us to this day. Appreciating one’s own successes is usually very difficult, especially for insecure people with low self-confidence.
Instead, we often think and talk negatively about ourselves, may make derogatory jokes about ourselves, or simply dismiss other people’s honest compliments. These and similar behaviors are poison for the self-image and actively contribute to keeping our self-confidence low.
It is therefore all the more important to change the way we talk and think about ourselves. While it may feel strange at first, turning negative self-assessments into positive affirmation can work wonders.
For example, if you are just starting to jog, you may be annoyed with yourself and disappointed if you only made it to ten minutes before you couldn’t. Instead, however, you can change your perspective and be proud of yourself, because you have made the beginning and laid the foundation to gradually increase your performance and discover the fun of movement.
The following is a simple aid to talk more friendly with you and about yourself: Imagine that it is about your best friend. Would you also say the negative things you say about yourself to her if it were about her?
If not – why are you doing it to yourself?
You would be more likely to praise and encourage your girlfriend. And that’s exactly how you should treat yourself and become your own cheerleader.
Developing self-love can feel like an unattainable goal. The more insecure you are, the less likely it seems to you that you will ever truly love yourself.
But don’t worry, you don’t have to be enthusiastic about yourself overnight. Instead, an important step on the path to self-love is to first accept yourself.
Make yourself aware: I am exactly right the way I am. Surely there are aspects of you that you do not like and characteristics that you would love to put aside. In fact, every other person feels the same way. Keep in mind that nobody is perfect and that it is perfectly normal and right to have your good and bad.
The same principle of acceptance also applies to your body image. Of course it is wonderful when at the end of your journey you love your body, no matter how it looks, and find yourself beautiful.
For now, however, it is enough to make it clear to yourself: Your appearance has no influence on your worth. No matter how tall or small, fat or thin you are, what skin color you have and so on and so forth – you deserve respect without having to fulfill any ideal of beauty.
This applies to the respect that other people show you, but also your respect for your own body.
Because in the end it is not its function to be perceived as attractive. Rather, it is the instrument through which you can live your life. Only his achievements make the many wonderful memories that you have already made and will make possible.
Try to keep this in mind and thank your body for it. Once this step towards self-acceptance is taken, self-love comes much closer.
Take care of yourself too
You are there for others day in, day out, giving them an open ear or supporting them in practical matters. At the end of the day you are so drained that you can’t do much more than fall exhausted on the sofa or straight into bed.
Does this scenario sound familiar to you? Then it’s likely that it has already had a negative impact on your self-esteem. Because self-love consists not only of a more positive image that you have of yourself, but also of your actions.
If you constantly help others, that’s of course an honorable quality, but also behavior that can sometimes lead you to fall by the wayside.
This doesn’t mean that you have to become a complete egoist in order to develop more self-love. Setting limits is right, healthy and not a bit selfish, because if you pay more attention to your own needs, you also have more energy for the people who are close to your heart.
Therefore, allow yourself to make your own wellbeing a priority. This can mean, for example, that you simply say no when you are asked to do a favor for which you actually have no free capacity.
It can also consist of taking time for yourself on a regular basis, in which you just do what is good for you. Take a hot bath, take a long walk, read a book, or revive a dormant hobby. The main thing is that you make yourself aware that you deserve this time and that it is good and right to allow it to yourself.
Be careful with social media
Social media has its good and its bad. They connect us, entertain us and inspire us. Unfortunately, however, they can also have a very bad effect on self-esteem.
Between a number of posts from seemingly flawless people who lead the perfect life, we quickly feel inferior. So don’t forget that you are not doing fair in this comparison. Because the photos of models, influencers and co. are almost always staged and heavily edited with some effort. The perfect picture that their profiles convey rarely corresponds to reality.
Therefore, try to always look at the posts on social media with the ulterior motive that they do not reflect reality. If you notice that you are unsuccessful or you still cannot stop comparing yourself, it can be good to simply unfollow some profiles.
Instead, your timeline can be flooded with images that strengthen and build you up. Under hashtags like ‘Selflove’ and ‘Body Positivity’ you will find numerous profiles from completely different people who show how beautiful diversity can be.
When scrolling on your smartphone, you are no longer looking at unreachable, supposed ideal images, but real personalities who show themselves with all their individual characteristics.
Your posts are often very approachable and make it easier to relate to them. They prove that you can lead a happy and self-confident life even far from the norm and inspire you to celebrate yourself more.
Don’t let yourself be stopped and develop your style
Unfortunately, a lack of self-love can quickly lead to self-limitation.
For example, maybe you would really like to wear this one item of clothing, but you feel that you are not allowed to do that with your appearance. Don’t let convention or the opinion of others dissuade you. There are now many great role models that show that there are fashionable looks for every figure and personality type. The online mail order company WENZ offers most looks in a wide range of sizes, so that there is really something for everyone, from small to large and skinny to curvy. In the fashionable summer clothes sizes ranging for example from 34 to 48 hours.
And when you have found your new look – dare to do something! Would you really like to accompany your friends to a karaoke evening, but don’t think your voice is good enough?
But who actually says you can’t do any of this? To revolt against conventions and just do what you’ve always wanted to do can be liberating and a boost for your self-confidence.
You don’t even have to be good at what you do for that. If you’ve always wanted to try your hand at drawing – why don’t you just give it a try? It’s perfectly okay to do things that you’re not good at.
This allows you not always to strive for perfection, but simply to be perfectly imperfect. At the same time you are doing yourself something good and thus only promote your self-esteem even more.
Be patient with yourself
The insecurities and self-doubts that torment us have often been with us for almost our entire life. So it’s clear that they don’t just vanish overnight.
No matter how hard you try, they will only slowly go away and occasionally come back. But that’s normal and fine.
Developing self-love does not have to be a straight path and may take time. So be patient and indulgent with yourself. In
this way you will gradually feel more comfortable with yourself and one day you will be able to claim that you really and sincerely love yourself.